So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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