yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
