I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
