Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
nutella sex= disaster
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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