Christians are straight up FREAKS
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
