Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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