Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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