Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
