i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
