You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
