There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
