I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
