How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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