at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
