Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
