ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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