just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
