I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
