i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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