On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
