how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
