I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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