Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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