That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
