she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
