Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
