I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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