We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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