someone get that fucking seahorse.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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