My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
