please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
