is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
