The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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