I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
