peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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