she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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