My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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