There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
