The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize