But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Less talking, more tequila
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
