WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
