even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
