I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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