I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
