"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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