Sober January is a disaster.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
