trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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