I love black thongs
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
