Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
