great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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