i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
