he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
