I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
