Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
