We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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