Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize