So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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