Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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