so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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