I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize