Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
