The maid of honor just puked.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
