so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
