do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
