I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
