I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
