I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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