More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
