EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
