Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Redeem this text for a blowjob
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
