I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
