He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
