He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
