you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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