i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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