Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
