Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
