I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
