After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
