Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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